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Crisis, what crisis?  While some of us are looking at that big heating bill that just arrived and thinking “f+ck, where will I find that”, others are drooling at the chance to part with a large sum of cash for something garish.

Christian Dior’s second generation accessory cellphone will be gold plated while featuring black PVD coats that are encrusted with sapphire crystals. Nice.  God knows what features it has, other than probably weighing more than it’s cash equivalent in coins, but who cares when it fits perfectly to your botoxed lips, right?

You can’t just buy these off the rack – special order only. The Zelie will come with a red case while the Zenaide will come in white.

Just how much will this set the Ogliarch amongst you back?  $7,900 and $13,400, respectively – thanks to optional diamonds all over.  The good news is, they will be available before Christmas, in case you’re not sure what to get your LV clad wife or mistress.